Polyamory vs Relationship Anarchy: The Key Differences

Polyamory and relationship anarchy are two forms of non-monogamous relationships that are often misunderstood and confused with each other. While both practices prioritize the autonomy of individuals and challenge traditional monogamous relationships, they differ in their approaches to hierarchy, rules, and boundaries.

Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, with the consent and knowledge of all involved parties. It is a form of non-monogamy that emphasizes communication, trust, and consent. Polyamorous relationships may take various forms, including closed triads, open networks, or hierarchical relationships where certain relationships are prioritized over others. The concept of the relationship escalator may also be present in polyamory, where relationships progress through pre-defined milestones that determine the hierarchy of relationships, such as moving in together, getting married, or having children.

Relationship anarchy, on the other hand, is a philosophy that rejects hierarchies and pre-defined rules in relationships. It emphasizes individual freedom, mutual respect, and radical honesty. Relationship anarchists reject the concept of primary and secondary partners, prioritize the needs and desires of each individual involved, and see each relationship as unique and valuable in its own right.

To better understand the differences between polyamory and relationship anarchy, let's look at some examples. Suppose someone in a romantic relationship is interested in starting a new relationship. In polyamory, the new relationship may be negotiated with existing partners, and boundaries may be established to ensure that everyone's needs are met. The new relationship may be seen as a secondary relationship, subject to restrictions or limitations. In relationship anarchy, the new relationship would not be subject to any pre-existing rules or hierarchies, and the individuals involved would negotiate the terms of their relationship based on their own needs and desires.

Another example of the differences between polyamory and relationship anarchy is seen in the way relationships are structured. In polyamory, there may be an expectation that relationships progress along a pre-defined path, such as moving in together, getting married, or having children. These milestones are seen as markers of commitment and may determine the hierarchy of relationships. This is especially true for relationships that may have started as monogamous before transitioning to polyamory. In relationship anarchy, there are no predefined relationship structures or escalators, and individuals are free to negotiate (and re-negotiate) the terms of their relationships based on their own needs and desires.

What about Solo Polyamory?

Solo polyamory and relationship anarchy may have some similarities, but they remain distinct forms of non-monogamy.

Solo polyamory is an alternate approach to being polyamorous where individuals choose to remain unmarried and prioritize their independence, autonomy, and personal growth. Some solo polyamorists consider themselves their own primary partner. They may prefer to avoid labels like “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” or “partner” that may imply commitment or exclusivity. Others are solo poly by circumstance, identifying as solo polyamorous while they are single or dating, but still seek out long-term partnerships as their ultimate goal.

For relationship anarchists, there is no ultimate goal for relationships. Relationship anarchy encourages relationships that are authentic, as well as organic to the needs, desires, and boundaries of the individuals involved. There is no escalator or ideal formation. In fact, relationship anarchists reject the belief that romantic partnerships are more valuable than friendships or other platonic relationships, which it views as yet another hierarchy. While relationship anarchy values autonomy, much like solo polyamory, relationship anarchy also emphasizes interdependence and mutual support between individuals.

In short, solo polyamory and relationship anarchy are both non-traditional relationship models that prioritize personal autonomy, however, relationship anarchy expands the definition of non-hierarchical connections and has more focus on collective and communal support.

Summary

While polyamory and relationship anarchy both prioritize communication, consent, and autonomy, the main differences between polyamory and relationship anarchy lie in their approaches to hierarchy, rules, and boundaries. Polyamory allows for hierarchy and pre-defined relationship structures, while relationship anarchy rejects these concepts in favor of individual freedom and the negotiation of unique, valuable relationships.